Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
Wanted to ask if I’ve been married 28 Years, been verbally and physically abused, backed my spouse up to have a great career, raised all my kids, and have one left I’m raising, no career, gave me 200, and with that pay a bill, groceries, and here he is neglecting the bills, and just spending on himself, won’t even give my daughter $20, he says he’s gonna pay all the bills, which I don’t see that, and doesn’t help me with my daughter , as far as interacting with her, what rights can I get , with finances, he makes good money weekly; 2000wkly
In most states your spouse has a legal duty to support you and his children. If he is failing to do so, you should talk to an attorney to find out what your rights and remedies are in your state.
I agree! Too ridiculous
LOL because I have been married for 20 years and miserable for the last 15 of them. We have ALWAYS had separate bedrooms due to his impotence he chose to not treat. It has always been him married to his job and not even fitting in a movie or dinner with me. Now I am unemployed (no income) and he wants to throw me out. Told me last night he no longer will ‘tote’ me. I know I have rights in Alabama but unsure what they are. I’m not moving out! Can he evict me?
I doubt that he can kick you out, any more than you can kick him out. In most states spouses have a duty to support each other — check with an attorney to see what the laws are in your state.
No he can not evict you i went threw the same thing now im finally Divorce and sold my house and starred a New life
I am in a very similar situation. My husband hasn’t touched men 16 years..:( I spend 24 hours a day full of fear and hurt. I have ni the past asked him many times if we could make love and replies ,no not until I can learn to ask him correctly. He sleeps upstairs and has for almost 10 years or so. I want to leave him however it is the hardest thing to do. I have been married to him for over 35 years.. I am dying of a broken heart andI am afraid he will go crazy if I sue him for a divorce. He has worked hard to keep our commercial property.. I feel I have no rights .. Is he gay? I am dying of a broken heart.Pray for me that I can on with my life without him… I’m on the rink of a nervous breakdown..I ami n therapy. saddest life I would have never imagined…
Get out asap; you will feel alive again. I promise. No man or money worth the sacrifice of time.
I’m New at all this legal stuff. I’m 53 and my husband is 54 we met when we were 15 & 16 we’ve been together ever since. We live in Alabama and got married when our daughter was 4 . I wanted to mary him at first sight but it took his mom telling him our daughter needed his last name especially since she would be starting kindergarten that next year… long story short we married and he has cheated on me our entire marriage with one woman after another.. I was a stay at home mom because he didn’t want me to work and he wanted me to raise our three kids .. so I did and I don’t regretted one day of it. I have always been a care giver and do anything for anyone to help them out.. he has always been the provider and a good one , I’ve often told him if we end up divorced the one thing I can never say is that you weren’t a good provider .. he is verbally abusive and has been physical in the past , we lost our son of 28 years Jan 2 2015 and things got even more worse. He has absolutely no respect for me and talks down to me all the time and calls me names and tells me he wants a legal separation just to upset me because he knows how I feel about our marriage ( I believe until death do us part in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live) so he says it to hurt me. Both our daughters are married and together have given us five beautiful grandkids. Our son has mental disabilities, and lived with the two of us, he has never been to one single doctor appointment , school function or even a sport event or play etc… I thought because I didn’t work and he did it was my place to do it all . We were not able to stay in our house of 28 years because our son died in his room , so for two years we lived in our daughters camper for a while and then he continued to live in it while I moved in with our youngest daughter to help her with her first baby , to which he would come stay with me there a lot . We finally got a house again after we paid off the mortgage from the other house and we started out last February sleeping in the same bed etc.. until our son birthday and I got a phone call that my husband was not at work he was with another woman eating dinner in a local restaurant, I was at home waiting on him to get home to go to our oldest daughter house to:celebrate our sons birthday , I was hurt and torn up , I went to the restaurant and saw for myself and took pictures of the whole thing, I told the lady that I didn’t blame her that he was a lier and a cheat and has cheated on me our entire marriage, and all she knows is what he’s told her. Needless to say for the past year now I’ve been sleeping in a separate bedroom and he does whatever he wants , comes and goes as he pleases and tells me his life is none of my business , he tells me he hates me becouse I cost him his “ friendship” ( oh and she was married too) he tells me I need to find me a man that will treat me better and love me . Like I said I’m 53 years old and I gave that man the best years of my life plus my virginity and becouse of all the crap he’s put me through I have trust issue and low self-esteem. He has told me I deserve his ssi so he wants a legal separation . He is very jealous and controlling . I don’t know how all this will work out and I don’t think another man would want someone like me .. does anyone have any suggestions or advice for me . He’s all I’ve ever known I’ve been by his side through everything and even helped him start his own business that he had for over 20 years. I know I couldn’t pay the bills here by myself and I know he wouldn’t be able to live here with me and see me date anyone. The shoe has never been on the other foot! I’m a fateful woman , I’m just tired of trying to love someone that obviously doesn’t want me in his life but don’t know how to live without me in his . We live in separate rooms , I do his laundry and cook for him when I cook for myself . Other than him telling me that the sex part of our marriage ended a year ago I still live like we are married .. I’m lonely and hurt and I’ve had to grieve the lost of our son in silence because he can’t stand to hear me cry . I do work part time taking care of elderly and have worked since our last daughter graduated… it’s no where near what he makes .
i have been living wit my new husband for 7 yrs n on oct. 30Th 2015 we got married and he does work a min. Wadge job n i get ssi which isnt much. We have been fighting bout money bc its takes both our pay just to live. We live in nc n either he has to quite his job so i keep my full benifits or he works n i loose my benifits or we get a divorce so we can make it living together. Ive heard since weve only been married for 4 months it can be anulled is this true?? N we dnt make enough to live seperatly please help??
We aren’t qualified to give you legal advice regarding annulment. Please consult with an attorney to find out how annulment is treated in your state.
My spouse has repeatedly cheated on me and we have had marriage counseling numerous times. Married 30 yrs. I feel like im enabling him by continuing to stay with him. I want to separate for the sake of the marriage. I dont know if he will feel what he could possibly lose if we live together but separately in the same house.
Angie says,
March 1,2016
My husband and I have purchased a lot and are building a new home which is supposed to be finished in june or july.The issue is we are and have NOT been getting along at all. He is VERY mentally abusive, calls me VERY bad names,yells and accuses me of sooo many untruthful thing that I cant take it anymore.Can I get my namr off this house without any consequences to me legally?
It’s easy enough to remove your name from title by signing a quit claim, but if you are financing the home, it likely won’t be possible to remove your name from the financing mortgage. You can talk to the lender to see what the procedure is.