Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
I’ve married for 11 years. Shortly after we married, less than a year, I got pregnant with our first and only child and the marriage started deteriorating. We have been intimate in 10 years and have slept in separate bedrooms for the majority of the time. My husband refuses to even entertain a divorce.
I am a SAHM to a 9 year old child. I have no where to go. I have no job and no income of my own.
This seems to be the perfect solution for us. Please anyone who disagrees, explain to me how we aren’t living like a separated couple right now??
I don’t mind doing his laundry and keeping things as they are.
I would like to live as friends, not enemies.
Unfortunately, in my state, you cannot file for a legal separation if you intend to live in the same house.
My husband is either placating me by agreeing to such an arrangement or plans to make me completely miserable by going along with it.
Guess we’ll see how it all plays out!
I’m new to this separation thing. Been married 34 years and He was always an over the road truck driver. I raised 5 of our kids and 1 of his. He came home one day and announced that he was coming off the road and would be driving local. That was 18 months ago and I can’t live another day with him. He doesn’t even know who I am. The kids are gone, grown and married. I have 2 lovely ladies with intellectual disabilities living in the home. This has been my only source of income. I was a stay at home mom my whole life and cannot collect SS due to the fact I didn’t put enough in. If I leave I will lose my girls and they will lose their home. This house was in my husbands family for over 3 generations. I moved out of the bedroom with ALL of my things and am attempting to carry on. I can’t divorce due to finances. I can’t live with him…it’s time for me to think of what I want in this life isn’t it? I think he is finally taking me serious. We are civil to one another. It’s been 6 weeks. What’s next? Sure could use advice. I feel trapped
My husband have been together for 21 years, married for 13. We have given it our best, it is not going to work. There is mental abuse and on occasion, it is physical. Our children are 22 (mine from a prior relationship), 19, 12, and 10. The 22 year old moved out at 14 because of the fighting. I have held a grudge against my spouse for that for years. Our 19 year old no longer wants to stay under our roof and the 2 younger kids have seen and heard things they never should have. Recently, we had to call the cops to intervene in an altercation. We have discussed it and decided to split but neither of us can afford to leave. We are planning to co-habitat until we are in a better position to part ways. However, he is already trying to initiate a reconciliation and I do not want it. Please, I need help. What can I do???
The choice is yours. You can choose to reconcile and try it again, or not to reconcile.
I am 43 years old, and have been married for 25 years (since I was 18). My husband and I had two children. Our oldest child was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2011 at the age of almost 16. He passed away in December 2013. It was the most awful thing in my life. He was amazing and had inspirational faith in God. His younger brother Colten is now an only child, just turned 18 and started his senior year in high school today. My husband and I have been on a roller coaster for many years. My husband has a college degree, I do not. He never obtained a job in his field due to availability and geographic location and we just didn’t move. He worked for his families business and then for a couple other companies (he is 47). I have worked since I was 16 and after highschool I continued to gain work experience and have worked myself into a good job with good pay. We moved into our family home 10 years ago (we built it ourself and it is quite large). Right after moving in he lost his job. Since then he found employment twice and both jobs were eliminated after a large scale company re-organization. So he has basically been unemployed since we moved into the home 10 years ago. At first it wasn’t a huge deal, we were able to make it on my salary and some side jobs he worked. After awhile it became a big problem and I grew more and more unhappy. He was looking for work but couldn’t find it, problem is his expectations. I understand he wanted to return to what he knew and not take a giant step down but enough was enough. Then our son was diagnosed. That put everything else on the back burner. I was able to transition into a work from home position and keep my title, benefits and pay which was a gift from GOD. The following 3 years were all about our child fighting for his life. He had a terminal illness, I knew it but my husband could never accept it. I believe in GOD and miracles, I just also had to know what we were dealing with. My husband continued to stay home. By this time he had assumed a lot of the household duties like laundry and keeping things clean and picked up etc. However, I still paid all the bills, did the grocery shopping and cooking (when we were able to cook). I even mow the yard. Anyway. After our son passed I really thought he would find something, but he still hasn’t. I see him looking but it doesn’t go anywhere. He does stay “busy” around the house but I do not feel that it is fair or right. I have asked and begged him to get a job, our youngest son, who has his own issues, has also expressed anger towards him about working. He just says that we have no idea how much he does. I have lost all respect and don’t know if I even love him any longer. I know I don’t feel the same. I have thought about divorce many many times, however, I feel as though our son who has passed would be so dissappointed (I know that sounds crazy) but he was so worried that our family was going to fall apart after he was gone and that is exactly what is happening. I have had the same job for 20 years and pay all of the bills, I am growing increasingly angry and bitter to the point that I don’t want him to even have a credit card. I just want him to work, I don’t even care what it is. In the 20 years of working I have built up my 401k, and since we built our home we have a lot of equity in it. Our son is going to college 9 hours away next year on an athletic scholarship but it doesn’t cover everything. We will have about $10k out of pocket each year. I am trying to figure out my best option. I thought of legal separation but he refuses to leave saying that he helped build the house. I can’t afford to leave and continue to pay the payments that my name are on. It is an absolute nightmare and I feel like I am going to get the short end of the stick in all of this. We didn’t agree for him to “stay at home”, he was capable of working. I came across this website and was so happy to see that I wasn’t alone. Looking for options.
So what do you think about a man and woman married but been apart for 11 years she is living with someone else but now the husband is sick should she let him live with her and her boyfriend? So he can have aduquit care
You should do whatever you think is right for you in this situation.